The Comparison Trap
According to the dictionary, the meaning of comparison is: an examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities. Notice it doesn’t say “to establish how one thing is better or worse than another.” Isn’t that why we normally compare things, though? This improper use of comparison, with me coming up in the “worse than” category, has been pursuing me frequently and painfully. I’m truly thankful for these experiences, because through them the Lord has helped me see this form of comparison as a trap and major hindrance to effective praying.
1 Peter 1:17 “Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear.” NIV
As part of my ’09 spring trip to Hong Kong, three of the days were spent in a prayer conference being held at the church where our missionary friends are pastors. Having attended the conference there last year, I was excited to be included again in working with the Lord and the people there in praying for China. I also expected great things because of the people of prayer the Lord had assembled for this trip – the five in my team plus a woman, Judy*, from another state, who had also come prepared to pray.
I love the missionary woman, Anna*, and love praying with her. We have had a connection for several years in the Spirit, as well as in the natural. Though I had just met Judy, there was an instant connection with her, as well. In both cases, however, I immediately began comparing myself with them, only to find myself lacking. My thoughts were along this line: “Here is Anna, a missionary who is also a pastor, who flows freely with the Spirit of God in prayer. And here’s Judy, who not only prays powerfully, but who travels to teach on prayer! Then there’s me. I’m not this and I’m not that. I don’t do this and I don’t do that.” You know the script, I’m sure. I felt like I was way out of my league, though I was glad to be there to offer support as they prayed. Imagine my shock and dismay, and the major struggle I went through when asked to lead the prayer during two of the sessions! I had to work so much harder to get past all the arguments in my mind to hear the Lord clearly and pray from His place of authority, rather than my place of inadequacy, so He could accomplish all He desired through those times of prayer.
Throughout the rest of the time in China, there were many more times for prayer, and many more battles against the comparison trap. When I yield to those negative thoughts, I don’t pray what the Lord gives me, failing to release someone’s answer in the spirit realm. God gives me a prayer to pray, regardless of who I think I am, and releases the answer when I pray it out of my mouth – in obedience. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. That’s why I am to live my life here in reverent fear of Him – not in comparing myself to others.
It wasn’t until I returned to the states that I finally drew a line in the sand and declared, “No more!” In reading The Happy Intercessor, by Beni Johnson, I was gaining great insight into prayer and being persuaded that my prayers were of little effect, all at the same time. You see, I went from being convicted by the Holy Spirit of areas that needed changing in my prayer life, to feeling inept, inadequate, and totally incapable of ever coming close to the kind of prayer life described. Needless to say, that is not the intent of the book! What happened? I compared myself to the author and others she described and found myself woefully lacking – again.
Thankfully, before I finished the book, the Holy Spirit convicted me of the same comparison trap I battled in China. I was reminded that He didn’t call me to be Beni Johnson or the others mentioned in the book, and He didn’t call me to have a prayer life just like theirs. He called me to be me. If I compare myself to them, or to Anna and Judy, according to the actual definition, and see dissimilarities in their lives that have enabled them to pray more effectively, I can be stirred to grow in Him in those areas as Kay, and become more effective, too. In the simplicity of this truth, a heavy weight has been removed from my prayer life. Now I can pray in freedom and with joy, because I no longer pray in the pit of the comparison trap. Jesus has set me free! Won’t you join me in this place of freedom?
* names are changed for privacy (but you know who you are!)
© Copyright 2009 Kay V. Stocking
